Skip to content

EAT ME! (sorry – that’s the sugar talking)

July 15, 2010

Here’s another confession*: last week I ate half a Baskin Robbins cake. I don’t even remember the exact flavor, but there was a lot of caramel. ‘Nuff said. Ice cream is a big weakness of mine. So is cake. And don’t forget those chocolate nuggets confiscated from my kids’ Halloween candy. Let’s face it: sugar is my sweet mistress and I am her bitch.

This became a problem recently when I had a situation (not contagious, but also not pretty) that required me to severely limit the sugar in my diet. And not just obvious stuff, like the pack of Skittles in my bathroom drawer. Nope, I mean everything – bread, dairy, fruit – the works.

The first two days weren’t fun for anyone in my house (or anyone on the road when I was driving, or at the store where I bought rice cakes, or at the park, etc.). I felt like I had the flu, PMS and morning sickness all in one twitching bundle. I mourned the loss of Slurpees and DQ blizzards. I coveted watermelon and margaritas. I told my husband I would cut him if he dared to bring Doritos into our home.

My kids were ready to start hiding chocolate chips in my plain porridge (aka gruel) when something very interesting happened: I began feeling kinda great. My energy level shot through the roof. My memory (I’ve been known to put groceries away in the washing machine) became practically photographic. My hair went from Oompa Loompa-on-acid to L’Oreal-commercial-worthy. And what of my little ‘condition’ that necessitated this whole experiment? Gone. (Stop asking – you don’t want to know, trust me**.)

It’s been over a week now, and I’m loving this new way of eating (I’m sure a big part of it is the booze loophole I found). Not only am I resolved to stick with this no sugar thing, I’ve actually got my family doing it, too. The best part is, they don’t even know.


* My husband is nervous (he should be) that this will be a recurring motif in my writing.
** Fine, I’ll tell you, but only because my Grandma will think it’s something bowel-related (‘cuz that’s how she rolls). I had a super gross eczema thing on my hands. There. Happy?!

This propaganda is not helping my cause

8 Comments leave one →
  1. July 15, 2010 6:48 pm

    what are you drinking – and where the eff are we going to eat when we go out for dinner soon…

    • July 16, 2010 7:26 am

      I’m set, baby. Don’t you worry…our eating/drinking will not be impeded!

  2. Kevin permalink
    July 16, 2010 7:12 am

    While you were writing this, your kids were out trading their toys for pure Columbian sugar cubes.

  3. lisa permalink
    July 16, 2010 2:08 pm


  4. Chris permalink
    July 16, 2010 9:40 pm

    You go, girl! With Xylitol in your cupboard and Jorge in your bag, you can’t lose!

  5. belladonna permalink
    August 3, 2010 11:31 am

    Love your Blogg good stuff! I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds humor in everyday adventures

    • August 3, 2010 12:09 pm

      Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: