Skip to content

Toilet FAIL

July 21, 2010

Total sidebar:

I’m working on a couple of longer posts or essays or whatever these musings are turning into, but in the meantime I need to have a little rant.

My precious diva-in-training daughter is playing me for a sucker. I’ve been trying to get this kid to piss in something besides a diaper for over a month now and she is having none of it. She delights in dragging me to sit with her on the toilet and read her stories while she takes a faux dump. She regales me with tales of what a big girl she is and how much she loves her Dora undies. Until, of course, it’s time to actually do something in the toilet: then she screams like I’m skinning her alive until I slap a pull-up on her butt. Ten seconds later, she’s ripping it off, saying, “Here you go mommy – it has pee.” or, “Mommy, I have a poo. Change me.”

I have become her ass butler.

With her big brother, it was relatively easy: he turned 3, told us no more diapers and within a couple of days he was in tighty whiteys full-time. I’d love to do the same with her, but am in a bind: we leave soon for a month in Serbia/Croatia (don’t ask – that’s another post) and 2 days after we get home, she starts pre-school. Where she’s expected to be fully toilet trained.

I have visions of her running around the playground naked, squatting like a wild animal. Or enlisting her new teacher to be an ass butler by proxy. Or putting her in a diabetic coma with Smartie incentives.

In a word: feck.

How scary can it be?

10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 21, 2010 9:20 am

    That picture is hilarious.

  2. July 21, 2010 12:38 pm

    Ha. Smart incentives worked with me. Definitely a soft spot for smarties now as an adult. YUM! You certainly have your hands full oh sugar-free mama!

  3. July 21, 2010 2:45 pm

    Our daughters are in cahoots – little minxes!

  4. July 22, 2010 11:37 am

    Ass butler = hilarious. I left toilet training for so long that my twins just started doing it themselves. For once, my lazy-ass approach to parenting worked (though I need to appease the environmental gods for the tonnes of disposable diapers my kids used). With pre-school, you don’t have that option. That sucks.

  5. August 11, 2010 12:07 pm

    Too freaking funny, I am at a loss for words (which is rare!)

    • August 11, 2010 12:29 pm

      Fortunately for both of us (or not), my daughter has enough words for both of us…



  1. My Sweet Little Capitalist Pig « Lori Dyan
  2. Let’s Talk Poop « Slightly Off-Balance
  3. Ass Butler No More « Lori Dyan
  4. Quotes for My Kids’ Weddings « Slightly Off-Balance

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: