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That’s Not a Water Snake, Son; It’s a Condom

September 6, 2010

I’m not gonna lie to you: a lot of my time in Croatia, I’ve been drunk. Usually I’m a two-glass-a-week kinda gal, but ever since we arrived, the Serb and I have been polishing off a bottle of Croatia’s finest every night. Our flat is amazing, nestled into the hillside overlooking Dubrovnik’s Old Town and the Adriatic Sea – it’s practically begging for booze-with-a-view.

Initially, we didn’t know what to do on the ‘vacation’ portion of the trip: being here with kids, we can’t hit the nightclubs that supposedly make Dubrovnik the new Ibiza; and while the Old Town can be charming during the day, when the cruise ship passengers descend between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m., it’s more like the Vegas strip.

And so, we drink.

Within five minutes of arriving, we hit the main beach (aka party central) and found it left something to be desired: broken glass, cigarette butts and the aforementioned condom littered the pebbles and rocks. Plus, I’m always within barfing distance of some old dude in a Speedo. Thankfully, we’ve discovered a nearby island with beautiful beaches and plenty of space between the banana hammocks and me.

We’ve also sought out local markets and out-of-the-way places to explore in an attempt to immerse ourselves more into the culture, and our flat is 122 cobblestone steps from the main street, so hauling our cookies up and down there a few times a day is actually getting us in decent shape (alas, I fear it’s being canceled out by all of the booze and bread).

There’s a local café where we go every night so the kids can run the gelato out of their system. They’re currently on a two-gelato-a-day program, along with chips, juice and a ridiculous amount of TV.

We’ll all need a detox after this trip…

Some of the 122 steps we climb a few times every day...buns o' steel!

How I spent my summer vacation...tummy o' flab!

A room with a view...feel free to hate me now...(but not too much, because I'll be freezing my heiny off in a couple of months)

7 Comments leave one →
  1. September 6, 2010 6:13 am


    And, it’s so beautiful!!


  2. September 6, 2010 9:27 am

    I LOVE that photo with the wineglass. Outstanding!

    Your trip sounds like fun and I adore you even more for counting the steps between your flat and the main street.

    • September 8, 2010 6:40 am


      I spent hours climbing those frigging steps…more than a few times carrying my sleeping kid!

  3. September 7, 2010 1:59 pm

    It’s nice to know the speedo wearing guy has such high self-esteem!

    • September 8, 2010 6:39 am

      Seriously – speedo lovers of the world are extremely comfortable with their bodies…

  4. September 10, 2010 11:55 am

    holy shit I knew there was a reason I didn’t read this before…the pictures are making me incredibly jealous!

    • September 10, 2010 4:34 pm

      Yep – but now I’m back to being covered in shmutz, cleaning toilets and eating sub-par cevape…

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