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The Most Dysfunctional Family Portrait Ever

September 22, 2010

People often tell me that I remind them of someone – I seem to have one of those faces – and every so often, that someone is a celebrity. I’ve been the doppelganger of everyone from Sigourney Weaver (which I totally don’t see) to Marissa Tomei (I wish). But my best (and by that I mean worst) celebrity twin by far has been Monica Lewinsky.

Monica with MY haircut.

This was during the height of Monica-gate and Clinton’s concubine and I shared big hair and teeth (fortunately, this was before she really beefed up…it could’ve been a lot worse). I went to a formal event once and had people doing double takes all night. After that I cut my hair to escape the comparisons and – no joke – the next day, Miss BJ showed up on Barbara Walters with my new hairstyle. All I can say is, thank god the 90’s are over.

My husband has been faux-recognized a few times as well. During the Toronto International Film Festival a few years ago, some girls came up to us in Yorkville convinced he was John Cusack. What he’d be doing slumming in Toronto with that Lewinsky broad is beyond me.

The most enduring comparison my husband has received is Ben Affleck (for the record, my husband has better lips). We were in Central Park years ago when JLo was filming that movie about the maid. My husband was certain that Ms. Lopez was bombarding him with a variety of come-hither looks. A few days later, news broke of her burgeoning romance with Mr. Good Will Hunting and Bennifer was born. My husband is convinced to this day that JLo took up with Ben only because she couldn’t have the Serbian stallion.

My husband poses exactly like this all the time.

I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but lately my son has been reminding me of the kid who played Tom Hanks’ son in Sleepless In Seattle.

Yep - teeth like Monica...I mean, mommy...

It’s a combination of those adorable brown eyes and crazy head of hair. Plus, he’s been begging to fly to my parents’ house by himself since he was six-years-old.

My daughter? That’s easy:

Imagine trying to toilet train Phyllis Diller.

Audacious. Hilarious. Ready to party.

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. September 22, 2010 10:35 am

    Alright! That’s pretty good. I could see the whole Monica L. thing minus the beret. People can say what they want, but she’s beautiful. PS: Your daughter’s gonna hate you when she grows up and reads your blog comparing her to Phyllis Diller, lol! =)

    • September 22, 2010 1:35 pm

      Ha – I plan on being her publicist for whatever Vegas show she ends up headlining 😉

  2. September 22, 2010 10:40 am

    Two years ago, a gaggle of my grade 7 students (girls) told me I reminded them of Kate Gosselin. I almost freaked. I said, “Because I’m mean and have an inverted bob hairstyle?”

    “No,” they cooed, “because you’re nice!”

    Then my shock kicked in. “You think Kate is nice?”

    So, count yourself lucky.

    And Ben Affleck. Yum.

    • September 22, 2010 1:36 pm

      Okay, that deserves one from me that I wasn’t planning on sharing: someone once told me, at the height of her talk show, that I resembled Rosie O’Donnell.

      And remember, it’s a Ben Affleck with a repertoire of fart jokes who more resembles Phil on Modern Family, so it’s kind of a wash… 🙂

  3. marinasleeps permalink
    September 22, 2010 12:17 pm

    Monica …. thats not that bad. So she blew former President Clinton. Big deal. I would have too!

    • September 22, 2010 1:59 pm

      Ha – where were you in ’98?!?! At the time, I was mortified because everyone was ripping her apart (including her looks), but hey – if she’s good enough for Clinton…

  4. September 22, 2010 12:47 pm

    Your husband is a cross between John Cusack and Ben Afflek? You go girl!

    • September 22, 2010 2:00 pm

      As I told Ironic Mom, it’s a fart-joke-telling Ben Affleck who more resembles Phil on Modern Family in spirit, so it’s kind of a wash… 😉

  5. September 22, 2010 2:24 pm

    Never mind who you look like, I’m still trying to deal with my jealousy at all the great travel spots you’ve been to!
    But yeah, being married to a guy that looks like Ben but is even better looking wouldn’t be a hard fate to handle.

    • September 22, 2010 4:53 pm

      It’s pretty hilarious because before this summer, we hadn’t gone a.n.y.w.h.e.r.e. since the trip where I got knocked up with my son. Who is now seven!

  6. September 22, 2010 5:39 pm

    I am dying that you were being compared to Monica Lewinsky. You should look into a career as a celebrity impersonator. I bet there’s a big market for Monica Lewinsky look-alikes. OR!!!! You could start stripping as Monica Lewinsky!!! My mind is racing with all the “business opportunites”.

    And, good job on scoring a Ben Affleck look alike. Yowza.

  7. Kevin permalink
    September 22, 2010 6:03 pm

    You do look a lot like this hot chick who did a show with me a few years back. Can’t remember her name though, but her lesbian make-out scene was sure something to watch. 😉

    You shood count yourself lucky to look like Lewinsky. Try going through life looking like Homer Simpson.

    • September 22, 2010 8:49 pm

      Homer,

      I have no idea what you’re talking about.

      xo,
      Magenta

  8. September 22, 2010 9:27 pm

    Hilarious. You don’t look like Monica Lewinsky. If anything, she looks like Lori Dyan.

    • September 26, 2010 8:51 pm

      And my online stalking/love affair/all-around-adoration of you continues….

  9. September 22, 2010 10:00 pm

    I got the Monica Lewinsky comparison once too. I was still in high school and working at my part-time job at the local drugstore. This older couple came in and said (paraphrased) “you know who we think you look like? Monica Lewinsky!” When they saw me looking at them strangely, they told me “don’t worry! we think she’s really pretty!”

    I’m not sure how sincere they were, but I took the sort-of compliment at face value.

    • September 26, 2010 8:50 pm

      I figure we just take it as a compliment and move along…it’s better than resembling Bill, right?

  10. September 23, 2010 10:52 am

    In the late 80’s, early 90’s I keep being compared to Sarah Ferguson…I think that might have been when she was overweight which now that I think about it, really does not make me very happy!

    My husband is absolutely Nicholas Cage. Thankfully not the bankrupt one or the drunk in Vegas one.

    Maybe you and fart joke Ben would like to double date sometime? We can make asses out of ourselves and give the tabloids something interesting to write about. That’d be one hell of combo!

    • September 26, 2010 8:49 pm

      I loooooove vintage Nic Cage (every since Vally Girl…yes, I’m a fossil…). That’s a double date I could totally get behind!

  11. March 21, 2011 6:23 pm

    Seriously? SHUT YOUR FACE! So hilarious. I just go with it when I get confused for a celebrity, I have also signed autographs because I am that big of a jackass.

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