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Kids Say The Darndest F*&%ing Things

October 21, 2010

Last week I was at the library when I heard someone utter the c-word (hint for my grandma: it rhymes with “runt”). Although hearing that word was a bit shocking, the real surprise was who said it: a girl who couldn’t have been more than seven-years-old, which is my son’s age, saying it to her mother.

She clearly had no clue what the word meant and was simply trying it out for size, but she sure knew how and when to use it. Her mother almost had an aneurysm on the spot and hustled them both out of there before her daughter got a lifetime ban.

I have to admit; I sometimes get a kick out of kids with potty mouths – probably because I have a couple of my own.

A couple of years ago, my husband and son were changing after a swim when a gaggle of teenage boys entered the change room. They were cussing like truckers and by our son’s wide-eyed reaction my husband expected the worst. Sure enough, as soon as they left, our son whispered to my husband, “Daddy. Did you hear those teenagers? They said ‘stupid’.”

Thankfully, my son is still pretty naïve: last month he asked me what “dick” meant (for the record, I told him I wasn’t sure – I’ve been answering sex questions for months now and I needed a break). Sometimes he’ll say, “What the hell, mommy!” or something equally innocuous, but it’s usually followed by a giggle. I’m confident that the days of him telling me to f-myself are a few years away.

My daughter, not so much. As with everything in the life of a second child, our adherence to self-censoring swear words has been much more lax than with the first one.

For some reason (that has nothing to do with her mother), whenever she walks down the stairs to our backyard my daughter swears: “Sh*t” (step), “Sh*t” (step), “Sh*t” (step). She also uses that word occasionally if she drops something (“Oh sh*t”). She doesn’t care if anyone hears her say the word because it’s simply part of her lexicon, like ass butler is part of mine.

This weekend we’re attending the wedding of my husband’s cousin. It will be an intimate affair and my kids will be the only ones there. Since that afternoon in the library, I have a fear that my daughter will drop her fork during the reception and say, “Oh sh*t”, followed by my son admonishing her with, “What the hell!”

But it could be even worse than that: guess which Serbian word is one of the few that they both know? I’ll give you a hint – it rhymes with “punt”.

At this rate, we'll be able to send them to Harvard...

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. October 21, 2010 10:07 am

    LOL!!! Love it, love it, love it!

    I come from a long line of potty mouths. We weren’t allowed to cuss in front our our parents until we graduated high school–though the f word didn’t kick in for me until I was 18–I was born in the fall, what can I say. Anyway, everyone in my in-laws family couldn’t wait to hear my vocab change when my 1st was born. But then it didn’t and they just knew disaster was headed our way. We’ve had a few small incidents but nothing like a rant session from a 3 yr old or anything like that.

    Then my son went to his preschool screening. The woman was reviewing where he was docked points with my Mom (I had to work). “We had to take a point off because he couldn’t tell me what fat meant.” My Mom smiled and said that he does know, but he won’t talk about it because in our house 4 letter words are not the problem. Words that they are not allowed to say include fat, stupid, dumb, ugly, etc. The woman was floored and told my Mom, “Well, I wish there were a lot more families with that philosophy!” 🙂

    Sorry it’s so long, but I had to share. Love reading your blog & can’t wait for the book 😉

    • October 24, 2010 10:36 pm

      No reply is ever to long on this blog, baby! I love your philosophy, too. In our house, “shut up” is one of the worst things you can say…which is probably why sh*t is said so often…

      • October 25, 2010 8:12 am

        Exactly! We don’t say that either. My daughter came in the kitchen one day and said, “Mom they just said a bad word in the movie–but can I still watch it?” I asked what they had said, knowing she was watching the Disney channel how bad could it be? She paused like a deer in headlights. I told her she wouldn’t be in trouble just tell me what they said. She whispered, “Idiot”. In my head I was cracking up but maintained an indignent, “yeah, but just don’t say it.” LOL Glad to hear I’m not the only one 🙂

      • October 26, 2010 9:19 am

        One day we’ll look back and yearn for the day that “idiot” was a bad word…

  2. October 21, 2010 12:23 pm

    What is this adhering to self-censoring around first children you speak of?

    • October 24, 2010 10:38 pm

      Never mind – ‘sugar’ and ‘fudge you’ only lasted a couple of months in our house…

  3. October 21, 2010 12:54 pm

    My man tries to clean up his language but sh*t happens right? My kids have been known to say some crazy stuff. What totally trips me out is that they might not know the meaning of the word but they got it in the right context.
    Crazy!

    • October 24, 2010 10:39 pm

      Ha – that was like this girl in the library with the c-word…it sounded like she was just taking the word for a test drive but she knew exactly how to use it!

  4. October 21, 2010 9:05 pm

    Hi Lori

    I haven’t been on in a while, as life has been busy. But I am glad I popped in tonight. Your posts always leave a smile on my face, and give me a giggle! Love your writing as always.

    • October 24, 2010 10:40 pm

      Hey – glad to have you back! Thanks for the sweet words and I hope life is back to a manageable speed for you (if such a thing exists…)

  5. Monika permalink
    October 22, 2010 12:06 am

    I can 100% relate. I have the same amount of crap/miscellaneous items in my purse that I can’t explain half the time. On more than one occasion people have asked me if I have lost my mind. Such is life with Children though. You have to be prepared for everything.

    • October 24, 2010 10:41 pm

      I think feeling like you’ve lost your mind is a natural effect of having kids…my parents tell me it doesn’t really end…

  6. October 25, 2010 10:45 pm

    My potty mouth Grandparents lived with my potty mouth parent. They all in turn took care of my kid. At two years old she got her first doll from Great-Grandma- her name was ‘The Dammit Doll’. Every third word was mimicked from Grandma, ‘Sh*t’.
    What’s a mom to do?!

  7. October 26, 2010 1:47 am

    When Emma was about 2 years old my husband said, “Oh fuck!” in front of her. For about three weeks after that she would look at him and say, “Hey Daddy- oh fuck! Oh fuck!” It was almost impossible to stifle the laughter swelling in my throat. Luckily, the effect wore off and she moved on.

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