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Welcome To My Nightmare

November 1, 2010

I love Halloween. I remember scouring the streets as a kid, my pillowcase overflowing with Wig Wags and Wagon Wheels, trying to cover as much ground as possible before people turned off their porch lights. My mom is a fantastic sewer and every year I’d have a one-of-a-kind costume that managed to transform me into my character of choice while still concealing that necessary evil of Alberta Halloweens: the snowsuit.

As has been established, I am neither handy nor crafty; therefore, the proliferation of store-bought costumes these days has been a godsend for me. Each of my kids learns by age three that letting mommy make a costume is a recipe for disaster. My daughter is three. This was her year.

She wanted desperately to be a ghost. I tried talking her into re-wearing last year’s Little Red Riding Hood costume, which wouldn’t have counted as recycling since she only wore the cape (Little Red Streaker), but she refused. I began searching for ghost costumes in September to no avail – my inquiries were met with the same response: “May I suggest a sheet and pair of scissors?”

With two days before Halloween, I finally caved and went to a fabric store. I asked the sales lady to explain the assembly process as though I were a two-year-old. I’m pretty sure that she thought I was drunk.

I went home, dug out my airline sewing kit and my scissors that can’t cut through jello, and went to work. The results were as expected: my adorable three-year-old daughter looked like a cross between a terrorist and a KKK grand wizard. In other words, not a great look for her.

The greatest irony of all is that I should know better: my son’s costume of choice when he was three? The one that convinced him store-bought was the way to go? A ghost. His nursery school teacher thought he was a deranged mental patient from one of those Saw movies.

The silver lining of this whole debacle was the bin full of bunny ears, clown costumes and the cutest Little Red Riding Hood cape you’ve ever seen. That and the forecast – any costume was destined to be covered by the dreaded snowsuit.

I know, right?

This is what will happen to that fabric store lady if I ever see her again.

The store-bought beauty my son wore. Best $14.99 I've ever spent.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2010 9:42 am

    Were we sisters separated at birth? Kudos to you for attempting to make a costume. Someday, in person, I’ll tell you about a very politically incorrect ghost costume I wore as an adult. A bit embarrassing now…

    And, just so you know, I got your back if you need help with the fabric store lady. Something tells me you’ll do just fine.

    • November 2, 2010 9:10 am

      Oh yes, my friend, you are absolutely my sister from another mister. Now I have more reason than ever to get back to Calgary…

      L

      p.s. We need to get together for a ceremonial burning of popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners!

  2. November 1, 2010 11:35 am

    I often say I don’t bake because who am I to assume I am better than Betty Crocker. The same goes for costumes – why re-invent the wheel and make something when I could support my neighborhood, rip-off Halloween store!

  3. November 1, 2010 11:39 am

    I also have no abilities in sewing costumes… or any clothing for that matter! My last attempt in sewing was making a blouse. I still don’t understand how one sleeve was shorter… and thinner than the other sleeve even after I mesured them twice before sewing!?!?!

    • November 2, 2010 9:11 am

      You are a legend to me – I can’t even hem a curtain in a straight line…

      • Caroline permalink
        November 2, 2010 11:30 am

        OMG, don’t even get me started on curtains! Okay, why not… so I once bought curtains for my living room knowing that they were too long, yet I convinced myself that I could manage a slight trim without too much trouble. I wasn’t gonna sew them…. I bought something much better than a needle and tread! I bought an iron-on bonding tape for material! ha! What a joke! Totally messed that up too!

      • November 2, 2010 11:55 am

        THAT’S WHAT I USED!!!!!

      • November 2, 2010 11:37 am

        Woops, I typed my daughter’s name (Caroline) instead of mine and used my husband’s e-mail adress too! You can tell how screwed up I am in my head! I wasn’t paying attention to the scroll down options in the “name” and “e-mail” catagory! lol

      • November 2, 2010 11:54 am

        I’m all about the pseudonyms!

  4. November 1, 2010 2:37 pm

    Oh my, I think I just peed myself. That is freaking hysterical! Next year, I’ll take your order for a home-made Halloween costume. I did 9 this year. A total masochist, I know.

    • November 2, 2010 9:11 am

      OMG – you are my hero and don’t even joke because I’m totally tracking you down next year…!

  5. November 2, 2010 9:04 pm

    Can we switch children?! I love to sew costumes but my nasty mean children insist on the store bought ones! I think they do it just to watch me cry.
    When they were young my husband and I got away with making them elaborate costumes where they had no choice in what they were going to be….that may have been the issue.

  6. November 3, 2010 10:41 am

    I had a ghost child this year too. I went with the sheet and pair of scissors. I highly recommend it!

  7. Liz permalink
    November 3, 2010 1:11 pm

    Oh Lori, you are too funny! I love running into your blogs amongst all the crazy emails I get everyday, it’s always a Treat!

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