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Housewares Make Me Hot

November 5, 2010

During high school and University I worked part-time at a store called Eaton’s (similar to Sears) in the housewares department. My knowledge of blenders and electric woks was unparalleled (and, at seventeen-years-old, kind of depressing).

I spent years watching people agonize about coffee makers and swoon over hair dryers. I often thought to myself, “If I ever get that excited over an appliance it’s game over.” Fast forward twenty years and guess what? The fat lady has sung, packed up her things and gone home. My name is Lori and I’m a housewares-holic.

My house can’t accommodate my obsession, so these days I mostly covet from afar, but I have managed to collect some doozies over the years. I’m a sucker for gadgets (I’m looking at you, Slap Chop!) and a lover of all things Foreman. The only coffee I’ve ever had in my life was when I was a teenager – it was Turkish, I was getting my fortune read in the grounds and it was disgusting. I hate the taste of coffee anything. And yet I have an electric bean grinder and coffee maker, a French press and a gizmo to make the dreaded Turkish coffee. If I had the counter space, I suspect I’d also have the industrial-grade espresso machine. (p.s. my husband only drinks Tim Horton’s.)

I have popover pans for the three times a year I make Yorkshire pudding and French onion soup bowls that have only been used for cereal. I haven’t made a martini since Madonna was a brunette and still my shaker sits forlornly (and dusty) in my little display cabinet.

I don’t know why I’m now obsessed with the very things that I scorned in my youth. Is it simply a matter of getting older juxtaposed against the snarky haughtiness of (my) youth? Is every forty-year-old as enamored as I am by Williams Sonoma? I’m seriously one Panini maker away from making inappropriate moaning sounds when I walk into that place.

Even my friend – who hates cooking – was lured by a pretty Le Creuset skillet. Then she looked at the $130.00 price tag and the affair promptly ended. My problem is, I’m as content to hang out in the Wal-Mart housewares aisle as I am at the fancier stores, as long as I get my fix.

If I happen to tweet about air popcorn makers, an intervention may be in order.

I think I need a cigarette...

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 5, 2010 11:24 am

    I can relate on a strange level… I lusted after so many housewares when I was registering for my wedding. A high-priced KitchenAid mixer(still in the box), a fancy digital coffee maker (we don’t drink coffee), a panini maker (because a frying pan isn’t good enough), a blender/food processor (to date only used for baby food). So my point is I lust and I lust and I take them home and I never use them. Except for my beloved tea kettle. Your picture couldn’t have been more perfect for me! I’d like nothing more than to be home right now listening to my adorable chrome tea kettle sing.

  2. November 5, 2010 11:30 am

    Oh yes, that tea kettle is calling my name. How many times have I lusted for you my darling? How many times have I walked away from you lustful red curves?

    I need to go shopping. B/c YOU BABY, would look so gorgeous on my HOT stove!

    • November 9, 2010 6:39 am

      Ok. When are leaving dreary/nothing interesting going on/who likes that much sun anyway California and coming to beautiful/leafy/that which does not freeze you makes you stronger Canada? We could have some f.u.n.

  3. November 5, 2010 11:56 am

    Lori, I have a ritual for reading the Williams Sonoma catalogue. It involves a glass of wine, candlelight… Sorry. I sit and imagine making gourmet meals when my life is more balanced. For now its frozen chicken and Trader Joes sauce.

  4. November 5, 2010 12:22 pm

    I’m the same way! I love gadgets. Right now I want a waffle maker so bad it’s killing me!

    At least it’s not just me.

  5. November 5, 2010 4:58 pm

    Obsession is not a pretty thing, but hot-damn! I love gadgets. Especially when they vibrate…

    • November 9, 2010 6:33 am

      HA! You just entered the made-me-spit-my-water-on-the-keyboard hall of fame.

  6. November 5, 2010 10:31 pm

    I thought I was the only one who found coffee disgusting… It’s so nice to know I’m not alone!

    I love my food processor – it is priceless whenever you need to shred a block of cheese so your wrist doesn’t fall off.

    And my blender wedding gift sat, dusty, forlorn, untouched except for unpacking until my son was 2 years old and was introduced to smoothies by my mother. Now it is used at least weekly and for a while, daily.

    And we do have a coffee maker, but it is because we live so far from family and many are coffee addicts – and it is bad to deprive guests of their caffeine. 🙂

    But yeah.. many others still sit, just waiting to be used.

    Still, nothing like a trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to make me drool over a cool looking waffle maker – nevermind that we never make waffles and already have a smaller, less cool looking one…

    I couldn’t live without my popcorn air popper though…. That is vital to my survival. 🙂

    • November 9, 2010 6:32 am

      I had to make popcorn when I read your comment (BB&B was closed or I would’ve just gone there to drool)

  7. November 6, 2010 3:42 pm

    For me it started with the waffle iron we received for a wedding present 17 yrs ago next weekend and the honeymoon still isn’t over (for the marriage or the appliance lust). Is it wrong that I’m asking for appliances for our anniversary?? Some girls want roses and diamonds, I have my eye on that industrial grade espresso maker.

    • November 9, 2010 6:32 am

      My husband and I decided to get a vacuum cleaner for our anniversary a few years ago! (But it’s a Dyson, so that’s a total win!)

  8. November 11, 2010 12:26 am

    I think you might be my soul mate.

    My wish list:
    1. Panini Maker
    2. KitchenAid Mixer
    3. Electric Skillet
    4. Le Cruset 5 quart round dutch oven

    Maybe we should get married to each other and register for wedding gifts all over again. Just a thought.

    • November 11, 2010 6:32 am

      Honey, I suspect I would marry your funny ass without the gifts – don’t let your keyboard write checks that my ring finger can’t cash!

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