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Hope For Preggos Everywhere

November 22, 2010

Most labour stories are not inspiring for women who are currently gestating. We moms love talking about the tearing and the forceps and the 85 hours of pushing. This is not one of those stories. This is the story preggos dream of for nine months. The birthing experience they aspire to, but don’t dare to believe is truly possible. I’m here to tell you that such a labour can (and did) happen. And the lucky bitch was my friend, B.

B is the one who got me locked and loaded. She already has a 3-year-old and that labour was fairly typical (in a word: ouch). We got together one Friday morning about a week before her due date and something about her was definitely “off”. For one thing, she wasn’t walking so much as sliding her feet across the floor; her body listing from side to side like an elderly, zaftig speed skater. She’d been having minor pains but was hesitant to check things out at the hospital (probably because I’d freaked her out with my tales of false labour).

The next morning B went about her day, which involved a birthday party for her son at Chuck E Cheese (sidebar: that place is like birth control with free refills). In the middle of the party, the noise, lights and smells became too much for her: she demanded to leave the premises. Immediately*.

She and her husband left their son with family and took off for the hospital. During the car ride she began timing her contractions – which were still fairly manageable – and in under half an hour, they went from ten minutes apart to less than five (note to the childfree readers: this is not what you want happening on an eight-lane highway).

Her husband dropped her off at the front door and walking from the car to the door she had to stop for a few more contractions. She was immediately whisked to a room and given a gown. Walking from the bathroom to the bed, she felt the baby starting to come out. Like, out. The nurses didn’t seem too concerned as they hoisted her on to the bed. Then her doctor, who was fortuitously doing rounds that afternoon, dropped by to have a look – and that’s when all hell broke loose.

The doctor immediately started barking orders like something out of Grey’s Anatomy and the nurses called for B’s husband, who was still filling out forms at the desk, telling him that if he wanted to see the birth of his baby he needed to run

Five pushes later B was holding her perfect and beautiful baby girl in her arms. Forty-minutes later B was texting me with the big news. Less than 24-hours later B was home with her newly expanded family. And this week, only four weeks later, B was contemplating going for a bike ride. She is a legend.

* FYI for all you first-time preggos – although this was fast, I have yet to meet a woman who has a baby like they do in the movies – i.e. yelling, “The baby’s COMING!” and popping it out a few minutes later. I also doubt the veracity of those women claiming not to know they’re pregnant until the kid plops into a toilet bowl at Burger King. But that could be a Canadian thing…it’s so cold up here that we’re constantly clenching.

B didn't even have time to do her labour exercises...

17 Comments leave one →
  1. November 22, 2010 7:33 am

    My daughter (second) was almost born in traffic, she was out ten minutes and two pushes after we got to the hospital. There almost wasn’t someone in the room to catch her. I’m thinking the third is going to slide out like a cork out of the bottle… freaky.

    • November 22, 2010 10:57 pm

      I seriously didn’t think those kinds of birth were that common!

      • Dorothy Nesbitt ( Belinda's aunt. permalink
        November 24, 2010 2:02 am

        About Belinda she’s beautiful and I’m so proud of her. About not knowing that a baby was expected That is true too . The toilet bit too… When my mother visited the dr … not Gyno !she was still having periods and was sent to hospital they Drs told her you are 6 weeks gone…. But mum had Denise that same evening… She had told my grandparents that a baby was due 71/2 months on so when she had baby my father called at their home to tell them about it…. and was told go home your drunk ! ( dad was never known to drink more than a small glass… Denise was born (they think ) at about 6 months and was so small that friend who had knitted an outfit for her grandaughter’s doll only to be told it was too big !!! Offered it to mum .
        Fitted Denise like a glove as they say here in Aus… Aunty Dorothy.

  2. November 22, 2010 10:06 am

    Love your work Lozza! Great to see you were listening when I told you my birthing story, but there’s 1 correction to the tale… it was only 3 pushes before I was holding my beautiful baby girl – sorry ladies. Like Stay At Home Babe, I can’t even begin to think what might happen for #3!!!

    • November 22, 2010 10:58 pm

      Ha – I stand corrected! I’d have to hate you if I didn’t love you so much 😉

  3. November 22, 2010 10:30 am

    Of course your comments will now be filled with birth stories because as you said, we love to share. I was dialated to zero and 15 minutes later I told my nurse I had to go to the bathroom. They didn’t think I should get up so when the nurse went to put down the bedpan she said, “Oh my god! There’s the baby’s head!” Just like your friend’s story, buttons were pushed, things were yelled, about 8 people came running into the room. The doctor came in saying, “She’s not even dialated” but then sat down and said, “Oh my god, you need to push!” So I did. Twice. And my daughter was born.

    • November 22, 2010 10:58 pm

      Ho lee crap. You mamas are giving me and my 4 day labor a complex…

  4. November 22, 2010 11:05 am

    My 1st was born in 4 hrs, 42 min. Labor started with my water breaking so it was fast. At the hospital the nurse freaked my Dad out by telling him the 2nd you usually cut the time in half. My mother had both me and my brother in 4 hours so I wasn’t worried–I figured that was just how we did it. My husband and both parent had nightmares that they delivered our 2nd. I went into labor with my son when my water broke at 1:00 pm. My check-in time at the hospital was 2:20. He was born at 3:07 pm. Before the ‘you bitch’ comments ensue, I will say I don’t recommend it. In fact I wish he would have slowed down a bit. He was healthy but he was born so fast it caused him to have problems with his blood sugar. So it was pretty scary.

    So I’m very glad your friend and baby are doing well–Congratulations to the new family 🙂

  5. November 22, 2010 11:10 am

    Yes, that is what the preggo needed to read this morning. Fortunately or unfortunately my next will be a scheduled c-section. So I’ll probably miss out on all the labor drama.
    And that sort of sucks b/c I like the drama!

    Congrats to the new again mommy. What a wonderful story!

  6. November 22, 2010 12:08 pm

    Lately….everyone I know who is having a second kid…the baby essentially falls out. WTF is up with that??? I’m not exaggerating either…

    My first was SO fast that the doctor said if I chose to have another at the first sign of a contraction I should go to the hospital. I feel so terribly for all you peeps who had to undergo hours…I think I’d hate the kid for putting me through that…:)

  7. November 22, 2010 2:04 pm

    It’s so refreshing to see a non-scarry story. Both my kids were born drug free and quickly. With the second the doc went home for dinner and the nurse caught my baby when he couldn’t get back across town in time! All to often all we here are the horror stories. Fear and worry only make for more difficulties. Thank you for a scare-free post.

  8. November 22, 2010 2:33 pm

    Lucky … all my kids took forever! Like at least 15 hrs of labor. And I remind them everyday thank you!

  9. November 22, 2010 4:09 pm

    I guess I can say that I am happy not to be your friend! My first labor resulted in a c-section after 22 hours, and the second one was also a c-section. I am happy nothing came jumping out of my Na-na! Although, it would be nice to be up and going immediately after having a kid! And I don’t think I could hang without the epidural!

  10. November 22, 2010 4:42 pm

    My husband won’t let me tell my birth story if theres a preggo in the vicinity. It was fast….like a car crash. Nothin’ is ever coming down that chute again!

  11. November 22, 2010 8:35 pm

    My friend gave birth much like your friend B. She walked into the room, felt the baby coming out, so she spread her legs and gave birth right then and there. She’s the one that caught her baby on it’s way out. Lucky she was wearing a dress! lol

    I, on the other hand, had a long delivery. Not too painful though because I was under the influence…. of the epidural, of course!

  12. sharon permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:23 am

    there is an off beat oz comedy trio that used to be around called the doug anthony allstars – (do you remember B from the big gig) – they had a line that may be relevant.
    There was an old lady that lived in a shoe – she had so many children her uterus fell out.
    Told it to a friend who is currently preggos with number 6- yes that’s right 6 but she didn’t laugh, i guess we all have a different sense of humour- esp us aussie’s.

  13. Dorothy Nesbitt ( Belinda's aunt. permalink
    November 25, 2010 9:08 pm

    Hello again
    I forgot to mention that Belinda’s mum Paulette was born premature at 6 1/2 months
    after 1 hrs labour. It must have something to do with 1947 , both Denise ( my sister ) and Paulette were born that year !!!!!! Because Dorothy and John ( Belinda’s grandparents) had not decided on a name, Paulette was named after the Midwife who attended the birth.

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