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Daddy’s Little Diva

November 26, 2010

My daughter’s diva disposition was preordained. When an ultrasound revealed we were having a girl I started referring to her as El Diva (my son was Pepe the Cuban Love Child). If I’d known what kind of drama would ensue, I would’ve chosen a more innocuous nickname, like El Quiet One Who Listens to Her Mama.

Even in utero, she had a knack for stealing the spotlight: my pregnancy had issues that required bi-weekly ultrasounds; she went breech two weeks before my due date while I watched Dreamgirls and scarfed crappy Chinese food; she came out via c-section with a fully coiffed mullet – complete with frosted blonde tips – and the nurses called her as Posh Spice.

Ironically, once we brought my daughter home she didn’t demand much attention (probably because we gave it to her willingly), and at three-years-old she’s still a fairly low-maintenance kid – as long things go her way. When they don’t, the same four words come out of her mouth. Depending on the occasion and location, she may whisper, bark, wail or scream them, but the words never change: I. Want. My. Daddy.

My husband has been overly protective of our daughter since that day at the ultrasound when we found out her gender. In the waiting room he picked up this magazine…

…and immediately started swearing in Serbian.

From that moment, he’s been a tad over-protective (I pity the poor bastard who takes my daughter on her first date…can you say Meet the Parents?) but overall he’s the dad little girls dream of – unconditionally besotted and completely unable to say “no”. She doesn’t even attempt to spare my feelings of being sloppy seconds: last week when I asked her what m-o-m spelled, she said, “Daddy.”

My only consolation is this: I may be her ass butler, but he’s her tea party bitch.

It's so sweet I think I just got a cavity...

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 26, 2010 9:08 am

    It’s like looking into my future. My Lil Diva has my DH under her complete control – I get the evil eye if I do not cater to her every whine. Oddly enough her in utero names was a good precurser: Dances with Sneaky Feet. You can’t turn your back for a second.

    Tea party bitch.. I like that… 🙂

  2. November 26, 2010 10:43 am

    Awesome post, and I can totally relate. So while I couldn’t have an “appropriate” in utero name because I knew the gender and my then-husband didn’t, I gave her a nickname that stuck (until she learned to talk) immediately upon birth: The Bitch.

    Now don’t get me wrong. I love my baby girl with total abandon and thank everything that’s holy every day for her. But she came out screaming like a pterodactyl and didn’t stop for months.

    And even today, she exhibits diva tendencies like some people breathe.

    Maybe I’m lucky that her dad isn’t in my life any more; or maybe I’m not. Because I’m both the ass butler and tea party bitch in my home! 😉

    • November 28, 2010 8:56 pm

      OMIGOD – I love this! One day, “bitch” will be our daughter’s nicknames for us!

  3. November 26, 2010 11:27 am

    Priceless. Lori, you have got to print all these babies so she can use them when she gets married, heehee. Seriously….awesome. Hilarious.

  4. November 26, 2010 11:43 am

    I think most dad’s are like “Meet the parents” when it comes to their little girl going on a date! It’s funny though how when it comes to their boys, most dad’s wouldn’t care less who their son was dating. The only thing dad is worried about is if his son has a condom with him! “Whatever you do, just don’t get the girl pregnant!” hahaha

    • November 28, 2010 8:54 pm

      Ha – you should HEAR the Serbian swearing when I turn his, “my son’s gonna get so many chicks” comments around to my daughter (“She’ll be getting soooo lucky”). TOTAL double standard!

  5. November 26, 2010 12:55 pm

    Here is a classic quote from my 88-years-old and still-kicking-ass granny:

    “Hi dear —-just read your blog …The way you write is so funny ..I love it !!! What amazes me is that I never EVER thought of you as a comedian or being funny??? Guess you must have mostly been more “serious” when I was around ????XXXX”

    I love the “EVER”…and the multiple question marks…she keeps me humble 😉

  6. November 27, 2010 7:34 pm

    I not only have my ex-husband (my daughter dad) that comes in before me. My current husband is ahead! I was away on a business trip for two weeks and when I came home she had created how custody would go if I died! (FYI- split between the Dads).

  7. November 28, 2010 10:58 am

    Sounds familiar. Our daughter, punks runs the show around our house and now we have #2 baby girl. I can already see where this is headed. we decided not to have any more kids…

    • November 28, 2010 8:53 pm

      I’ve also cut my husband off – my baby-maker is closed for business.

  8. November 28, 2010 4:34 pm

    That magazine makes me want to swear in Serbian too, and I don’t even know Serbian.

    (I see where you got your funny genes.)

  9. December 1, 2010 2:14 am

    We have a Daddy and a Diva in my house too. I can’t wait until she and I wear the same shoe size, because Daddy will give her anything she wants and mommy wants her to want Jimmy Choo!

    My husband has a shotgun he plans to polish anytime a date picks her up… when she is allowed to date… at age 30.

    • December 1, 2010 6:49 am

      Ohhh – let’s go shoe shopping together while the fellas polish their weapons (not a euphemism)…

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