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All I Want for Christmas is a Happy Serb

December 1, 2010

Reno madness (and my batsh*t crazy neighbour) took over my house last week. While the professionals worked their magic, my daughter and I were left to troll libraries, swimming pools and the final bastion of stay-at-home moms everywhere: the mall.

Unbeknownst to me, Canadian retailers were matching U.S. prices in an effort to keep us from running down to Buffalo and chucking our loonies at Target. The result? I got a raging case of Black Friday Fever, which was bad news for my MasterCard, but great news for the Serb.

My husband’s birthday is mid-January and he often gets shafted in the gift department. It’s a dreary time of year and we’re often spent, both emotionally and financially. I usually get the kids to scribble a last-minute masterpiece and grab some gift cards, which we present to him with a sad little cake and not much else.

My birthday always falls within a few days (or on) Mother’s Day and I made it very clear when I was a raging preggo that two very distinct celebrations would be always be required. I didn’t think these things mattered as much to my husband until last Father’s Day, when I totally botched it.

He really wanted a new watch, one specifically for diving*. We were planning a big trip to Europe the following month, so I bought him a budget version of the $2,000 watch he coveted. I figured that this and the aforementioned kid scribbles would suffice. I could not have been more mistaken.

The watch wasn’t even water-resistant and wouldn’t last in the bathtub, let alone the Adriatic Sea. We piled into the car to exchange it, but on Father’s Day there isn’t a lot of selection, watch-wise. There was a dad at the store standing beside us with his family, enthusiastically picking something out while wearing a homemade paper tie, a “My Family Loves Me” t-shirt and lugging around a huge card. The look on my husband’s face said it all: I had failed him.

We returned home empty-handed and I went out again under the pretence of getting some wine. I then parked down the street and frantically began calling every dive shop within a 100-mile radius looking for a watch – any watch – to make things right for my man. (Interesting side note: dive shops are rarely open on Sunday.)

I ended up getting him a very nice watch at the mall that cost more than a half-decent dive watch, but we both knew it was simply a poor attempt at marital restitution.

This Christmas and birthday – his fortieth – need to involve spectacular effort on my part. I’ve contemplated a surprise getaway or some other such luxury, but I’ve come to realize that it’s not the cost of the gift that matters; it’s the forethought that goes into choosing it. That and a water resistance of at least 200 feet.


*FYI, although he’s an avid scuba stud on vacation, the closest body of water to us is Lake Ontario and anyone daring to go in there will likely come out having grown an extra arm.

Unless it'll clean my toilets, consider me not interested...

14 Comments leave one →
  1. ryoko861 permalink
    December 1, 2010 7:45 am

    Maybe it’s not the material things he’s looking for.

    • December 1, 2010 9:13 am

      You nailed it! He wants to know I really thought about him and took some time to get the right thing. That’s why I started planning in October!

  2. ryoko861 permalink
    December 1, 2010 9:33 am

    Geez, you have to start that soon! Just put a cute little teddy on, get some wine or champagne, send the kids to somewhere and have your way with him. Oh, that sounds so slutty, doesn’t it?

    Check this: I read a blog where some woman’s husband wanted a threesome for his 40th. AND SHE WENT OUT AND FOUND SOMEONE TO DO IT WITH AND BLOGGED ABOUT IT! I mean, really!!!!!! That’s real love! I’m a sicko, but I’m not that kinky.

    • December 1, 2010 10:07 pm

      Oh Em Gee. That is some true…love?…or something…right there! If you’ve read my ritual of disaster post, you know the chances of lingerie and way-having are not likely happening – no family to watch the kids and kids who like sneaking into our room!

  3. TheIdiotSpeaketh permalink
    December 1, 2010 9:38 am

    Thanks for the warning on Lake Ontario… I swim in our lake here in Texas and now have a small flipper growing out of my left armpit…. 🙂

  4. December 1, 2010 11:59 am

    I jumped into Lake Ontario in a drunken stupor off of a cruise boat….I think that’s where the extra nipple came from…I dunno…

  5. December 1, 2010 12:09 pm

    Dude men are so hard to buy for. Things he needs he doesn’t want. Like a massage. Well its more for me. My little hands are tired!
    But I know what you mean … this Christmas I hope to shoot for the stars!

  6. December 1, 2010 11:09 pm

    My husband has been hinting to me that he wants a video game for Xmas… Xbox I think he calls it. Ha, with our small Xmas budget, the only “box” he’ll be getting will be empty!

  7. December 2, 2010 9:41 am

    Ahhh… Breitling. C’mon Darlin’, you know he deserves it!!!!


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