Skip to content

Winter Wonderland My Ass

December 17, 2010

My family is not a snow-loving kind of family, which is ironic considering that we live in Canada (one of the warmer parts of Canada, but still: brrr). I grew up with the Canadian Rockies in my backyard and took full advantage of it: I can ski, skate and pack a snowball that could take out a tail light. Since marrying the Serb – on a tropical island no less – I’ve adopted his warm-weather ways and cultivated a family of wintery wimps.

When the Serb landed in Canada fifteen years ago it was one of the coldest days on record. He’d grown up with much milder weather and when he stepped off the plane in Calgary, he thought he was going to die (no, literally: he could not fathom how his body could function under such dire conditions). At that moment he vowed to wear not one, but two pairs of long johns from October through March, which he did for five years…even under a suit.

The Serb relaxed a bit when we moved to balmy Toronto, but still hauls out his thermal undies the second he spots frost. The only winter sport he’ll participate in with a modicum of enthusiasm is tobogganing, and that’s only if hot chocolate and a warm bath are guaranteed to follow.

Our son (aka Pepe the Cuban Love Child) was conceived near Havana and the island vibes are in his blood: at seven-years-old he’s already certified as a junior scuba diver and was scouted by a swim team; he regularly enjoys hour-long baths wearing his goggles; and although he’s been known to trip when standing still, in the water he has the grace of a dancer. He’s not a fan of skating and is contemplating skiing only because his current crush is a mad demon on the slopes.

While my son runs around the house in shorts all year, my three-year-old daughter forgoes clothing all together. We had our first snowfall this week and after glancing out the window, she asked, “When’s Spring coming?” and then demanded that I take her to our local beach.

I certainly don’t mean to perpetuate any oh-you’re-from-Canada-do-you-live-in-an-igloo stereotypes. Winter isn’t that long here and our summers are fantastically hot. The whole snow thing just doesn’t do it for me: I’m confident that I’d feel the same if I lived in Colorado, or even northern California.

The only consolation is our upcoming trip to Mexico in March – if they have hippie schools down there, we just may burn the thermals, sell our barely-worn skates and strip down.


22 Comments leave one →
  1. December 17, 2010 7:26 am

    We moved from Chicago to Georgia in large part because my husband and kids couldn’t stand my whining from late October through May. I have fantasies of moving north, but then I see the snow and think not yet. Probably never.

    Moving further south sounds better. Costa Rica?

    • December 17, 2010 6:24 pm

      That’s our dream location! Whomever gets there first invites the other for a visit…deal?

  2. December 17, 2010 9:16 am

    We live in the high desert of Northern NM and just got our first dump of snow last night (8-12″). I’m like your 3 yr old- ‘When is Spring coming?’.

    • December 17, 2010 6:27 pm

      Holy crap – I didn’t think NM would get that kind of snow!

  3. December 17, 2010 9:27 am

    Two days ago…I was out running errands and it was 81 degrees. Definetly not a Winter Wonderland down here this year….. I’ll trade ya. 🙂

    • December 17, 2010 9:36 am

      Ha ha – it’s all funny until I show up on your doorstep with my kids and the Serb…

  4. ryoko861 permalink
    December 17, 2010 9:50 am

    I have NO use for winter. I love to skate, ski, toboggan, snowmobile (if I had one) all that neat stuff, but my husband doesn’t. So it’s just 5 months of pure hell for me! I get so depressed I start looking for ropes to hang myself. It’s the most dismal time of year!

    I’m a shower of joy, aren’t I?

    • December 17, 2010 6:28 pm

      Send your husband to us for a couple of months – or better yet, send us all to Jamaica… 😉

      • ryoko861 permalink
        December 18, 2010 4:34 pm

        I’m on it! LOL!! Let’s go to Jamaica instead. Leave hubby home!

      • December 19, 2010 8:03 pm

        Hubs can look after kids while we enjoy some rum drinks…!

  5. December 17, 2010 1:04 pm

    Are we sisters from another mister? You’ve just described me and my husband. Last year my then 19month old saw snow for first time and ran screaming for her Nana.
    If you find that hippy school in Mexico, send me the address, will ya?

    • December 17, 2010 6:28 pm

      We shall start a movement. A blogging-moms-who-hate-snow-but-love-wine commune…!

  6. December 17, 2010 7:23 pm

    You and me both.. I HATE this white stuff, I am not far from you, a little bit north…I could easily fit in your suitcase undetected and would truly enjoy a nice trip to mexico!!!!! LOL!

  7. December 17, 2010 10:44 pm

    My twins were born in Bangkok and neither wore socks the first 13 months of their life. No wonder why they rip them off as soon as they’re home. I like seasons, even winter; I just wish I could limit it to 4 weeks. Maybe I’ll lobby Environment Canada.

    • December 19, 2010 8:03 pm

      You’re lucky it’s just the socks they’re ripping off. #nakedkids

  8. December 19, 2010 5:52 pm

    Pepe the Cuban Love Child – hilarious. I’m with you on winter. I AM in N. California – and the rain. is. neverending. I would take snow over rain any day. But I would take a vacation to Mexico over anything at anytime.

    • December 19, 2010 8:05 pm

      And I just came from an early Xmas dinner with my Mexican friend who is so excited about our cold weather so she can ice skate on a pond. #grassisalwaysgreener

  9. December 19, 2010 7:56 pm

    Pepe the Cuban Love Child! Still howling, that is so funny!
    I hear ya though, I’m all about the surf and sun, this winter crap makes me want to stab people.

    • December 19, 2010 8:13 pm

      I’m officially stalking you online…you are one funny lady. And you live in Winnipeg, so how you’ve managed to not stab anyone by December is a mystery.

  10. December 19, 2010 9:00 pm

    Not that long? Ha! If those winters last beyond December-January-February, they are LONG!

    • December 19, 2010 9:02 pm

      I know – I’m trying to make people in Calgary not feel so bad…it snowed in JULY there one year…


  1. Tweets that mention Winter Wonderland My Ass « Lori Dyan --

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: