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Nothing Says “Christmas” Like a Bed Full of Barf

December 27, 2010

The night before Christmas started out in such a promising way: we’d just returned from a cool new Korean barbecue place where you grill your own food at the table and come home to a Toblerone fondue. The kids were in their new jammies, had willingly posed for a cheesy in-front-of-the-tree photo and were begging to go to bed so that Santa could do his thing. I should’ve known it was too good to be true.

I was cleaning up the kitchen while my husband wrapped some presents downstairs when my son came stumbling around the corner in tears. My eyes darted to the now-empty plate of cookies and half-drained cup of eggnog on the coffee table beside the tree in our living room, but he was so upset that he didn’t even notice mommy had scarfed Santa’s treats.

“MOMMMMY!” he wailed. “I P-P-P-PUUUUUUKED!”

Did he ever. His new jammies were covered – and I mean shoulder-to-ankle – in barf. I’ve already documented that my son is a horrible puker; it’s like an epileptic exorcism when he’s sick.

Needless to say, his room was a disaster. The entire bed, comforter and pillows were covered in his dinner. Did I mention it’s a queen-size bed? And that we forgot to put his mattress-protector-thingy under the fitted sheet? And that we’d let him cook his own shrimp and mussels at the restaurant? We should’ve been surprised that he wasn’t sick on the car ride home.

The devil's mollusk

My husband grabbed our son and stuck him in the shower while I grabbed Santa’s my eggnog and topped it up with a few ounces of rum. Fortified, I went to work on the dirty bed, lamenting my lack of hazmet suit. Thankfully I had a container of detergent that I’d used in my triathlon days – it gets any smell out of anything – and by Christmas morning he was back to his old self in his newly-laundered jammies.

The silver lining of this fiasco? That my three-year-old daughter had slept in her room for the first time all week. Otherwise, she would’ve been beside him and likely lost in a sea of seafood chunks.

I would do a commercial for these dudes (actually, I think I just did).

17 Comments leave one →
  1. December 27, 2010 7:17 am

    Wow..this is almost exactly what happened to me last week, except the korean bbq part.

    I declared victory on a virus that was going through my home and decided it was time to change all the bedding, clean, etc. That night, my son puked so much that it soaked through the mattress pad.

    I also got sick at my in-law’s Christmas party 1 hour into it. I puked all over their front yard and was dreading the 3 hour ride home. My husband consoled me and said his cousin (the person who’s yard I puked in) puked in plenty of people’s yards growing up, so it was just payback.

    • December 27, 2010 7:26 am

      Omigod – puke karma for the cousin! I hope your house is now well…

  2. December 27, 2010 7:56 am

    This is hilariously awful! I am soo sorry for your little Christmas Puker – it sounds like he made a recovery…
    Good tip about the SportSuds – I am in desperate need for anything to make my life smell better:)
    Merry Christmas:)

    • December 27, 2010 9:06 pm

      Merry Christmas to you, Erin! You definitely need Sport Suds – it works on e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. (I know because I’ve washed the grossest things imaginable using it)….

  3. ryoko861 permalink
    December 27, 2010 8:38 am

    LOL! Be happy he wasn’t on the top of a bunk bed! Nothing a little soap and a washing machine can’t cure!
    Beware of Korean BBQ’s.

    • December 27, 2010 9:04 pm

      I’m so sad because during the meal we were proclaiming it to be our new fave restaurant, but after the puke-fest my kid declared a ban on Korean BBQ.

  4. December 27, 2010 8:56 pm

    I cannot remember how many times I got sick on Christmas Eve after too much food and excitement at my grandmother’s house. I don’t remember yacking in the bed. If I had, I’m sure my sister would post about it on facebook ever 12/24.

    I’m glad the rest of Christmas was puke free.

    • December 27, 2010 9:01 pm

      Honey – I was JUST thinking about you tonight! Great minds think alike re. foregoing turkey for some Pan Pacific goodness…

      I hope you’re well and keep on with the fantastic writing!


  5. December 28, 2010 11:34 am

    I’m going on a cleanse after reading this!

  6. December 30, 2010 10:06 am

    I intentionally didn’t read this post until I had all the BIG meals out of the way (and digested, thank you.)
    I’m so sorry for your little bugger but PLUS for me! I have been needing a product like that for YEARS. I don’t want to remember how many stinky uniforms I’ve handled over the years and know I have yet to face. Off to shop!

    • December 30, 2010 10:25 am

      HA! I love that I’m now putting people off with my stories! Seriously, that Soap Suds stuff is the best – it literally works on anything! If you can’t get your hands on some, let me know in an email and I’ll get some to you.

      • January 16, 2011 10:28 pm

        Wanted to let you know that I did get some and I’m in LOVE! While I have a few items I have yet to test, Soap Suds did an AWESOME job with my stinky should-have-been-washed-a-week-ago towels.
        LOVE! So thank you for introducing me!

      • January 16, 2011 10:30 pm

        Hooray! Thanks for letting me know! My daughter just put it to the test again today with peed on jammies and it worked wonders!

  7. January 3, 2011 1:24 am

    Oh noooo!!!

    I need some Sports Suds in my arsenal of tricks.

    • January 3, 2011 3:37 pm

      Seriously, if you can’t get this stuff where you live, let me know and I’ll get some to you – it’s amazing!


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