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Fitness Fail

January 7, 2011

Last year I reconnected with my best friend from high school; someone who was a sister to me and who, for reasons far too ridiculous to get into here, I didn’t speak to for almost 15 years. She reached out to me via Facebook (it was just like a Hallmark commercial, only with smiley-face emoticons) and we had dinner, picking up like no time had passed. We’ve even made plans to vacation together with our families in Mexico this March.

And this is why I’m so screwed.

I have only a few months to get beach-worthy. So far it’s going…not great. Yesterday my friend and I discussed cardio strategies whilst I munched on some mini Toblerones. My husband and I have resolved to eat far less red meat, but it will have to wait until my mom leaves town (I would seriously consider selling a vital organ for her roast beef). I’ve resolved to cut sugar from our lives, but my freezer is full of cookie dough from a school fundraiser.

All of the above wouldn’t be such an issue (especially the Toblerones, which have been reduced to a pile of wrappers, thankyouverymuch) if I got off my lazy ass and exercised. Like most other things in my life, I like to dabble through various workouts. Elliptical machine? Sure…for a week. P90X? Love it…until I don’t.  Running? Umm…did I mention that I live in Ontario…and that it’s currently winter? Hot yoga is my current fave, but that’s a two hour undertaking.

I’ve been known to hop on the treadmill with a bag of tortilla chips if left to my own devices, so obviously some major structure is in order. I’ve decided to try Tabata: four minutes is supposed to have an effect similar to doing 45-minutes of cardio. It involves intense interval training (i.e. squats) for 20-second intervals, with a 10-second rest in between sets, for a total of four minutes. There’s even an online timer with a fight bell sound – it’s all very Eye of the Tiger.

Between this and the lack of butter in my life, I may have to scarf a few Blizzards so I don’t disappear altogether…

I, like my ass, have nowhere to go but up.

16 Comments leave one →
  1. ryoko861 permalink
    January 7, 2011 8:41 am

    Isn’t Facebook great!? I also reconnected with my “sister” from my childhood a year ago and we had and still have SO much to catch up on! But I’m not going to Mexico anytime soon with her (she insisted on NASCAR instead-fortunately for me an urgent issue arose and I couldn’t go-we’ll do something else later this year, but it’s not going to be NASCAR). But I hear ya on the exercise and all that crap. Winter just sucks and I don’t have any desire to go out. Walking to the mailbox takes a 15 minute psyche up.

    Don’t stress over it though, just enjoy seeing her and knowing you probably look 100% better than any of the locals!

  2. January 7, 2011 10:03 am

    Oh Lori, I’d be happy to take some of that COOKIE DOUGH off your hands. It’s my ultimate weakness…. And yeah, good luck with the fitness schmitness. You look fabulous, not to worry! P.S. I’m taking reformer pilates, check it out 🙂

    • January 7, 2011 10:09 am

      Ack! Eating cookies made from said dough as I type this – you can have a box…please!

  3. January 7, 2011 5:11 pm

    That little cartoon: DISTURBING! And while I’d like to be supportive, my heart wouldn’t be in it…being pregnant and eating everything in sight.

    My recommendation: go for a classy, well constructed maillot!

    • January 7, 2011 8:58 pm

      I’ve just come from Serbian Christmas celebrations…they are NOT helping my cause. #atelikeawaterbuffalo

  4. Elena Aitken permalink
    January 7, 2011 7:22 pm

    I agree…cartoon:disturbing! I think I may have nightmares.
    As for the fitness…I’m a super goal oriented person. I think it’s the fear of public humiliation that keeps me going. Because for some strange reason (probably a certain friend) I keep signing up for events that are way out of my comfort zone. And then I’m terrified that I’ll make a fool of myself so…I train. Maybe it’s an illness. Because needless to say, I still make a fool of myself.
    My suggestion, try something fun. I hear Zumba is good times. But really, who cares? You’re going to Mexico!

    • January 7, 2011 8:56 pm

      I just had a friend e-mail about Zumba today! I’ll take that and your message as a sign that I need to do it! I’ve signed up for ridiculous training-required things in the past and everyone I know is now pregnant or post-partum, so my training partners are non-existent. I shall endeavour to go it alone. And my muumuus are ready just in case 😉

      • January 11, 2011 8:48 am

        I do Zumba in the winter when I’m too woosie to get my ass outside for a run. I love it! If you can count to 8 you can do it. Whenever I see myself in the mirror I have a big grin on my face- not bad!
        If you don’t like it I’m going to say it’s the instructor. I’ve had a few instructors where I could not even recognize they were doing the salsa!

      • January 12, 2011 9:36 pm

        Ok – I did Zumba yesterday – it was pretty fun…and ridiculous (i.e. whenever I looked in the mirror)…

  5. January 7, 2011 7:39 pm

    Mmmm, Toblerones, so easy to eat by the log (or the foot, or the box, I don’t know the correct term for that giant triangle packaging of yumminess).

    I will have to look into Tabata. 4 minutes sounds intriguing, but it also sounds painful.

    It’s funny that you mention fitness, I just put up a genius tutorial on my site for an outside of the box workout. Though not many are commenting on it, so I’ll conclude it might not be as genius as I had previously thought. But my name on this comment is linked to it, just in case you want to check it out.

  6. TheIdiotSpeaketh permalink
    January 7, 2011 8:13 pm

    I guess you might laugh if I told you that I have walked on my treadmill while actually eating a Blizzard…wouldn’t you? 🙂

  7. January 8, 2011 10:40 pm

    I decided to take up Nordic walking last week (I call it Geek Walking). And then I bruised my toe doing it. Because I’m pathetic. And the truth is I *used to be* dreadfully athletic…basketball, volleyball, softball at competitive levels, and now I bruise my toe walking with my canes.

    I haven’t heard of Zumba-Matata, but put together they sound like a song from The Lion King.

    Good luck…and happy Blizzard-ing.

  8. January 9, 2011 11:22 pm

    I laughed at this because it’s so familiar. Sometimes I put down the bowl of ice cream to increase the tension on the elliptical, but otherwise, I’m pretty much a doofus when it comes to exercise follow through.

    Good luck. I mean. I’m giving up sugar. Tomorrow. Or maybe the next day.

  9. January 10, 2011 12:15 am

    Tabata – you crack me up. And now I have Eye of the Tiger in my head.

    But regarding the beach – it is ALL about the cover-up! Find something stylish, a little cleavage showing, very loose and comfy but oh-so-Jennifer Aniston and you’re made. Besides, you and your BFF will just be drinking margaritas on the chez lounges all day. If all goes well.

  10. January 10, 2011 9:19 am

    Some amazing fitness tips here!!!

    Okay so absolutely no fitness tips there. I don’t think. But I do often mention the cute girl at my gym.

    So maybe instead of Mexico you suggest one of those forward thinking countries in the middle east where it’s 5000 degrees in the shade, and women’s swimwear consists of an ethnic garb that covers more than ninety percent of the body.

    I hear the beaches in Iraq are absolutely breath taking.

    Some travel tips here.

    Two plugs in one post that’s a record for inappropriate behaviour even for me.

    Thank you for the smile!

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