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Dear Vegas: I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

February 4, 2011

True confession: I don’t “get” Vegas. I’ve never understood the basics of poker, blackjack or the one with the spinning wheel. I have no desire to see Cirque du Soleil or Celine Dion in person. I’m a pitifully cheap drunk. And I can only stay up past midnight if I’m guaranteed a two-hour nap that afternoon.

Yet I feel a strange compulsion to give Sin City a try – this despite the fact that, if Vegas were a guy, I’m pretty sure he’d be the douche at the gym who smells like his cologne came from a restroom vending machine.

I went to Las Vegas with my family when I was ten-years-old and my only memories are seeing the Village People in concert (okay, that actually made my life) and being propositioned on the street by a skeevy old drunk who mistook me for a hooker. This, I fear, tarnished Vegas in my mind forever.

The Serb was there a few years ago for work and although parts of his trip were enjoyable (can you say Pussycat Dolls?), other parts were downright nasty – like the lady compulsively playing slots at dawn with a cigarette dangling inches away from the baby strapped to her chest.

For a few of my friends, Vegas is the destination of choice: they indulge in scrumptious food and opulent surroundings, fully embracing all of the decadence Las Vegas has to offer. Since having kids, my idea of decadence involves sleeping in past six o’clock in the morning and I fear Vegas would be wasted on me.

So which is it? Dystopian no man’s land or bacchanalian Shangri-la?

This could be me.

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. Mel permalink
    February 4, 2011 6:23 am

    I can’t comment on Las Vegas, but I do have to say that Cirque du Soleil and all similar shows are incredible! I’ve been to 2 different Cirque du Soleil shows (each very, very different), and been mesmerised both times.
    They combine acrobatics, dance, theatre, music, lighting and video in the case of one of the shows, to create a story. Even if you don’t “get” the story (I didn’t either time), you still just sit back, make up your own story and enjoy. If you do get a chance, go. And take your kids.

    • February 4, 2011 2:59 pm

      The thing is, Cirque du Soleil comes to Toronto every year or two, so I’m feeling like I can wait for it to come to me…although tickets here cost almost as much as a flight to Vegas…

  2. ryoko861 permalink
    February 4, 2011 8:29 am

    No desire to go to Vegas. Though, I should go just for the experience. If I’m going to spend a lot of money, I’d rather spend it on a plane ticket to England. Then I KNOW I’ll have a good time.

    • February 4, 2011 2:59 pm

      I feel the same way about Great Wolf Lodge (no…seriously…I love water slides)

  3. February 4, 2011 8:43 am

    I’m right with you sister – have zero desire to go…YET – the times I have been to a casino, I end up getting all addicted and into it. So I’m thinking I’ll get dragged there kicking and screaming and end up lovvvving it. YOu saw the Village People!! Beyotch!

    • February 4, 2011 3:01 pm

      My mom and I spent the entire show debating who was cuter – cowboy or construction worker…ah, the innocence of youth (although my mom was in her 30’s so she has no excuse)

  4. February 4, 2011 9:48 am

    Don’t even get me started on this one, Lori. It is SO time for you to experience Vegas. You just need an experienced tour guide (moi) to show you the fun, and minimize the cheese. There is more to Vegas than the obvious bling and smut. The desert is a really beautiful place. And there are wicked ADVENTURES off the strip—and off the beaten path. So, when should we go?

    • February 4, 2011 3:02 pm

      Heh. This post was written with you in mind, BJas. I had visions of you reading this with your eyes bugging out, a al Roger Rabbit. I figure if I want a Vegas experience, I can come have a bath in your spaceship tub and leave $300 on the coffee table when I leave…

  5. Elena Aitken permalink
    February 4, 2011 3:55 pm

    I gotta say…I agree with you in every way..I like to sleep in, not stay up late, not party too much…BUT….when it comes to Vegas…I LOVE it! Love it! I have no idea why. But the whole experience of it (the atmosphere, etc) it’s great. I ‘ve been three times on VERY different trips every time. Each one…awesome.
    However…the last time I went I hosted a bacherlorette weekend for my friend..and it took me four days to recover. Literally…FOUR.
    Good times. good times.
    GO

  6. February 4, 2011 5:15 pm

    To go or not to go…. I’d say go at least once. I went once with my hubby. We had a good time. Neither of us enjoys gambling but there is so much to do otherwise that it doesn’t matter. There was a music festival on when we went, so we didn’t go to any shows or clubs but I hear that they’re fun. I’d like to go again, maybe with some girlfriends… Restless writers and wordbitches retreat anyone?
    But there’s a few things that I wasn’t keen on… everything seemed excessive – you get used to it but…, I couldn’t seem to sleep ever – I think they really do pump oxygen into the rooms, and worst of all, it was hard to find a good cup of tea.

    • February 4, 2011 8:46 pm

      We’re coming to cheer your fellow WB on her mountain triathlon for the first WB-RW retreat…but perhaps Vegas for the next one…?

  7. TheIdiotSpeaketh permalink
    February 4, 2011 7:12 pm

    I’m embarrased to admit that the wife and I have been photographed in front of that idiotic statue in Harrah’s…..multiple times….. 🙂

  8. February 4, 2011 8:42 pm

    My husband and I went to Vegas for our 3rd anniversary. While we were there, we didn’t drink, barely gambled, and were in bed by midnight every night (we did see Zumanity, though). We still had a great time, including a vow renewal with Elvis and a trip to the Neon Boneyard. I wouldn’t think twice about going back.

    • February 4, 2011 8:45 pm

      Holy crap – you sound like our twin-couple! And the Elvis renewal is VERY intriguing to me…best argument yet!

  9. The Perfectly Imperfect One permalink
    February 5, 2011 12:47 am

    I lived in Vegas a few years ago and I have to say a few things; BINGO, 3 ft strawberry daquiri’s, and all you can eat crab, that’s what I love about it 🙂

  10. February 5, 2011 2:51 pm

    I’m with you. The last thing I want is to be surrounded by half naked, drunk 20-somethings (unless they are men, of course) and stuck in a smoky casino losing my child’s college fund when all I really want to do is take a good nap and crap without an audience!

    • February 5, 2011 3:00 pm

      I think you and I should go on vacation together to a Holiday Inn during a Real Housewives marathon…

  11. February 5, 2011 8:09 pm

    My dad lives there so I go quite a bit but rarely do tourist things.
    Great restaurants though.
    A drive through Red Rock canyon is a must. Hoover damn is interesting.

    Do take that nap…middle of the night is best time for rookies to win bank.

  12. February 5, 2011 11:20 pm

    Give it a try! But schedule in the naps. I love Vegas, but that’s just because of the fab restaurants and the easy access to karaoke. It is the perfect place to wear that slightly inappropriate outfit you bought. Because you will look like a nun when you wear it there.

  13. February 7, 2011 11:07 pm

    You said it best right here: if Vegas were a guy, I’m pretty sure he’d be the douche at the gym who smells like his cologne came from a restroom vending machine.

    I am a Vegas hater.

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