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Roses Are For Suckers

February 14, 2011

I’ve lived through forty Valentine’s Days and have been married for eleven of them. Over the years my expectations for Cupid’s big day have evolved from cheap chocolate and over-priced cards to things that are much more meaningful. Things like this:

Housework=foreplay
Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but trash is king. Nothing gets me hotter than a swarthy Serb taking out the garbage (without being asked!), especially in winter.

ZZZZZZZZZ
I love to sleep and never get enough of it; by the middle of the week I. Am. Done. But I keep going, because I know that on the weekend I’ll be able to sleep in while my husband takes the kids for a bagel. (p.s. sleeping in means eight o’clock…my kids are like roosters)

Scrape me
When I’m rushing to get the kids to school on a freezing morning, my heart melts when I see the frost scraped off my windshield.

Happy November 20th!
Remembering to buy flowers today does not require mental gymnastics. Getting flowers any other day? That will pretty much guarantee some action.

Toilet seat down. No Exceptions.
It’s like he’s saying to me, “I care about you and don’t want you baptising your butt in the middle of the night.”

Be an ass man
Speaking of butts, telling me that he’d always choose JLo’s curves over Angelina’s bony ass makes me positively swoon.

This is what Valentine's Day is all about.

Time to ‘fess up: what are your VDay deal breakers?

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. February 14, 2011 9:32 am

    My expectations of Valentines Day Dwindled away a long time ago… I am somewhat of a hopeless romantic.. I long for the love that Disney has lied about for years. With such unrealistic dreams, Valentines Day has led to many disappointments for me.
    Since growing up (well partly) I have realised that romance is not always in the form of a knight in shining armour, sometimes a tinfoil suit and an open heart will do just fine. For me the best gift I can receive on Valentines Day is some time to myself. When the BF takes the kids out for a walk alone, or decides to get them breakfast, ready for school, or into bed without me having to do so I get weak in the knees. Having a few moments to myself to enjoy “nothing” is the best gift I could ever receive….. forget the flowers, they wither and die, the fancy dinners, that simply digest and are forgotten… if you want to make me happy it is best just to leave me alone with a good book or my computer. No screaming children, no dishes to clean, or dinner to cook. It is the simple pleasure of peace that is guaranteed to make me smile and swoon!

    • February 14, 2011 3:54 pm

      So true – I never thought 7 hours of sleep would be swoon-worthy!

  2. February 14, 2011 3:49 pm

    yeah, this is a non holiday for us.

    for me the romance is the saturday sleep in. the coffee made every morning just the way I like it. the rubbing of my feet while we watch tv. sneaking into the bathroom to see “soapy boobies” and tell me I’m sexy.
    it’s most certainly the little things that keep our fires smoldering.

  3. February 14, 2011 4:56 pm

    OMG hell yea…. washing dishes. If he does that, I will be like putty in his hands.

    • February 15, 2011 9:12 am

      Someone needs to write a ‘how to get lucky’ book for guys…just a picture of a vacuum and some dish soap inside…it would make millions!

  4. February 14, 2011 6:35 pm

    My husband rose without complaint at 5:30 AM for our Screaming Banshee.

    Best Valentine’s Day gift he could give me, especially as I was awake with insomnia most of the night.

    I come home to a clean house – I practically swoon.

    • February 15, 2011 9:11 am

      Sleep and cleaning…who knew? (Besides every mom in the world:-D )

  5. February 14, 2011 7:09 pm

    My husband handled Valentine’s day for us. He did cards and flowers for the our nany and the teachers. He did cards and gifts for the kids. He did cards and gifts for me.

    He did not make me feel bad when I did nothing but ran out last night and bought a card for him and bought him a gift card today after we had already celebrated.

    He did everything and expected nothing in return. He’s amazing and I am too lucky!

    • February 14, 2011 9:43 pm

      @Paige: you give flowers to the teachers? No students/parents have done that in 16 years of teaching.

      @Lori: my husband made me the worst meal he’s cooked in the past month. So bad we laughed. But every morning he makes me a cup of tea.

      • February 15, 2011 9:10 am

        I gave my kid’s teacher some of the 300lbs of jelly beans I bought for his classmates…I can send you both some because I’m currently eating leftovers for breakfast…

    • February 15, 2011 9:10 am

      You and your fella are both pretty lucky 😉

  6. February 15, 2011 8:23 am

    1. Having a hot pot of coffee and a roaring fire going when I get up in the morning.
    2. Telling me my boobies are beautiful
    3. Hanging the laundry up outside in freezing conditions

    If I go on some hussy will come and try and take him away from me and than there will be a ‘throw down’ and it will get messy…..Happy V-Day, Lori!

    • February 15, 2011 9:09 am

      Boobies ARE beautiful!!! Definitely don’t give too much info because he also reads/edits your work and I’m tempted to come and poach him! 😉

      Also, I LOVE the direction you’ve taken your blog – I’ve been telling everyone to check it out…the budget info and Juliette days are fantastic!

      • February 15, 2011 8:34 pm

        I just came from coffee with a girlfriend and one of my girls. My girlfriend commented how great my boobies were looking (I’ve got the material I just need a great apparatus to put them in place). I exclaimed, ‘but look at my daughters!’. My friend thought I was embarrassing her until my daughter lifted her baggy shirt to show off her new boobies. I told her, she’s not embarrassed she understands she has to love every minute of her boobies! All of us got laughing so hard we couldn’t talk!
        Thanks for the good blog ju-ju!

      • February 16, 2011 7:12 am

        You need to do a post on beautiful boobies!!!

  7. February 15, 2011 10:04 am

    Clean the kitty litter and I’m yours for 15 minutes (after you wash your hands). And also, change a dirt diaper, I might just give you a kiss. I guess I have a theme…

    • February 16, 2011 7:10 am

      “Clean the kitty litter” sounds like a euphemism for something vaguely dirty (in a good way)…

  8. Samantha permalink
    February 15, 2011 10:24 am

    It sounds like you and I have exactly the same sentiment when it comes to this Hallmark-Manufactured Holiday. My husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. We choose to love each other every day and surprise each other different times of the year, at random, with little gifts.

    Though I did make him some kinky coupons to use at his leisure …

    • February 16, 2011 7:10 am

      I think dudes appreciate kinky coupons any day of the year…well done…

  9. February 16, 2011 4:32 pm

    My valentine’s day was a stressful mess. Normally we try to do something 1/2 meaningful like plan a fancier dinner or something, but we’ve opted to take a day off this thursday for just the two of us. (we are sheetrocking most of the day, but there will be some much needed alone time too). Gosh I’ll be glad when the 2 year old doesn’t need us at night anymore.

  10. February 16, 2011 6:22 pm

    @IronicMom – We go all out for the teachers! Red tulips on VDay, gift cards at Christmas, random day baked goods. Lots of love for them! They have the important job of undoing the dammage my kids sustain at home! 😉

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  1. Be Mine….. Valentine! « Random Musings Of A Mad Mama!

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