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Countdown to Cabo

March 28, 2011

Wednesday a.m. (T minus five days):
Wake up to worst snowstorm of winter (two days into spring). Shovel snow, feeling extremely smug knowing I’ll be in Mexico in a few days.

Twenty minutes later:
Karma kicks my smug ass in the form of three-year-old daughter: “Mommy – it hurts to peeeeee!” Feck.

Wednesday p.m.:
Go to doctor, where daughter waltzes in and announces to full waiting room: “I gotta pee in a cup cuz my bagina is broken.” UTI is confirmed and meds are procured. Label on bottle warns to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight. Double feck.

Thursday a.m. (T minus four days):
Seven-year-old son wakes up with excruciating headache, lethargy and nausea. Having been to this rodeo before, I immediately cover his room in towels with barf buckets on either side of bed and double up on mattress protectors.

Five minutes later:
Son pukes on carpeted stairs after using the toilet.

Friday a.m. (T minus three days):
Find son lying in bed complaining that it hurts his head too much to stand up. Also afraid of barfing all over the place if he got out of bed, which explains barf bucket being turned into bedpan. At least I know he isn’t dehydrated.

Friday p.m.:
Both kids appear to be on the mend as they are annoying the crap out of each other and me. I leave for writing group confident that a few hours away from family won’t matter.

One hour later:
Text from the Serb informs me that son has raging headache and daughter is complaining of “itchy head,” likely in an effort to purloin attention from daddy. The thought of potential cooties haunts me on drive home. Spend hours on looking up various tumours that may be overtaking my son’s brain. Sleep for approximately ten minutes all night.

Saturday a.m. (T minus two days):
Take son to doctor who finds evidence of strep throat, which sucks, but is better than migraine or worse. Because seven-year-old is the size of a twelve-year-old, adult dosage of antibiotics (in pill form) is required. Son feels very mature.

Saturday p.m.:
Son refuses to take pill. The Serb and I cajole, plead, hide pill in marshmallow, and threaten brute force – to no avail. Call doctor and get new prescription in liquid form. Mature son requests banana flavour.

Sunday a.m. (T minus one day):
Receive word from friend we’ll be meeting in Mexico that spray tan is a must. I explain Spray Tan Debacle of ’09, but she insists. I am Lemming. Decide to splurge on fancy new tanning place, reasoning that having nail lady spray me with tanning gun in the bathroom of strip mall hair salon may have contributed to poor results in ’09.

Fifteen minutes later:
I am a chocolate goddess.

Sunday p.m.:
Pack more meds than clothes. Put kids to bed at seven o’clock in anticipation of early flight the next day. Put kick-ass new suit in carry-on, just below passports (priorities).


I've earned this, dammit.

27 Comments leave one →
  1. March 28, 2011 8:12 am

    May your days be puke free and tequila laden after the kids have been put to bed.

  2. ryoko861 permalink
    March 28, 2011 9:14 am

    Oh, you so do deserve it!!! Have a drink with a little umbrella in for me, please! Thanks! ENJOY YOUR VACATION!

    Can’t wait to hear how it went!

  3. March 28, 2011 10:25 am

    I’m tired just reading this post. We just had a few weeks like this and I’m still recovering.

  4. March 28, 2011 10:29 am

    This sounds eerily familiar. Except my kids usually wait until we are on the plane to our destination to vomit or develop a strep throat.

    ((hugs)) I am SO there with you, sister. Hope your vacation turns out well after all.

    ps: broken baginas suck.

  5. The Perfectly Imperfect One permalink
    March 28, 2011 11:24 am

    Enjoy your vacation! I sure need one 🙂 Lucky you!

    • March 31, 2011 10:37 am

      I think that the ultimate vacation would involve sleeping past 8am.

  6. March 28, 2011 11:31 am

    My husband hates when my bagina is broken.

    Good luck rocking that kick-ass bathing suit, you hot chocolate goddess.

  7. TheIdiotSpeaketh permalink
    March 28, 2011 1:42 pm

    It sounds like you have earned about a MONTH down in Cabo! Have a great time! 🙂

  8. March 28, 2011 2:27 pm

    Have a great vacation! You most certainly have earned it.

  9. March 28, 2011 2:55 pm

    What a freaking week! I hope you enjoy that vacation and no one gets sick.

  10. March 28, 2011 3:12 pm

    Have girlie. Stay away from the druggies. Just saying

  11. March 28, 2011 11:34 pm

    It’s illogical, but I’m still envious.


  12. March 29, 2011 12:47 am

    Enjoy it you golden goddess!

  13. March 29, 2011 10:07 am

    Holy Feck! I can’t believe you made it through such a crazy week!!! And still maintained your super funny! Have an awesome vaca obviously you deserve it!!

  14. March 29, 2011 5:39 pm

    Like your son, I cannot take pills either and quite enjoy the liquid banana antibiotic for strep throat. Been there. Done that (on my wedding day, no joke). P.S. You gotta keep that stuff chilled? How the heck did you DO that while travelling?

  15. March 30, 2011 8:54 am

    ~~Oh, This was superb.
    You DESERVE a Vacation, girl !!! xx

  16. March 30, 2011 9:03 pm

    Oh, I hope everything went ok on your flight. GOOD LUCK and healthy wishes to you!

  17. March 30, 2011 10:33 pm

    There’s no puke left- you’re home free (OK, Cabo-free).

    • March 31, 2011 10:46 am

      I know – that’s what I was thinking – get the sick out before we get there…knock wood!

  18. March 31, 2011 8:38 am

    Most excellent post.


  19. April 4, 2011 7:15 am

    This post brought out a panic attack in me but I am so freaking glad to hear you got all those evil cooties outta the way before the heavenly trip which you do indeed deserve! The fact that you survived the week makes you my hero. I would have been curled in the fetal position crying in the corner stoned on Clonazepam and then the husband w0uld have had to pack which would mean I’d have several thongs (which I never wear because holy hell – WEDGIE!) and some too tight stained t-shirts from 1990 to choose from for the week.

    I sense from the giant margarita pic in subsequent post that all wenr well in Cabo. Is it wrong that I tried to get my lips on that straw???


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