Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat?
When I started cutting certain foods out of my life it was for health reasons,* but weight loss is obviously a very motivating auxiliary benefit. Mexican Monster Mojito Tour aside, I’ve been fairly stringent in my food choices and recently wondered if my husband had noticed that my muffin top had become more of a cheese stick.**
The poor Serb didn’t stand a chance.
Like men all over the world, my husband assumed the entire conversation was an elaborate trap. He proceeded to answer my questions as though under interrogation back in his homeland. Below is a fairly accurate transcription of the
grilling discussion. You be the judge.
Me: Notice anything different about me?
Him: I don’t like this question.
Me: I’m just asking if I look the same to you!
Him: No you’re not. You’re asking something else.
Me: Like what?
Him: I don’t know, but I’m afraid to answer you.
Me: C’mon, be honest – just answer and I’ll REDACTED
Him: Twice? Okay. But you gotta give me a hint because I can’t just start guessing.
Me: Fine. Do you notice a change in my body since I stopped with the gluten and dairy and everything else?
Him: No way am I answering that. I don’t care if you REDACTED twenty times. There’s no right answer to that question.
Me: What are you talking about? Either I look different or I don’t!
Him: If I say you look different, you’re gonna ask how I thought you looked before. If I say you don’t look different, you’re just gonna be pissed.
Me: I only want an unbiased opinion!
Him: Then ask someone who doesn’t live with you!
Him: (Deep breath) You look great. Not that you didn’t look great before, but you’re looking extra great.
Me: See? That wasn’t so bad.
Him: Is it over?
You’d think he’d learn his lesson, but no: yesterday he casually asked how much weight I’d lost. When I told him the double-digit number, he said:
“I thought so. Your shoulders are looking really lean.”
Yep, that’s totally what I was going for: skinny shoulders.
* FYI: Raging eczema on hands? GONE. Chronic strep throat infections? NONE. Grosstastic ear drama that has plagued me since last October? WANING.
** i.e. Still doughy, but more up and down than up and over.