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Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat?

April 18, 2011

When I started cutting certain foods out of my life it was for health reasons,* but weight loss is obviously a very motivating auxiliary benefit. Mexican Monster Mojito Tour aside, I’ve been fairly stringent in my food choices and recently wondered if my husband had noticed that my muffin top had become more of a cheese stick.**

The poor Serb didn’t stand a chance.

Like men all over the world, my husband assumed the entire conversation was an elaborate trap. He proceeded to answer my questions as though under interrogation back in his homeland. Below is a fairly accurate transcription of the grilling discussion. You be the judge.

Me: Notice anything different about me?
Him: I don’t like this question.
Me: I’m just asking if I look the same to you!
Him: No you’re not. You’re asking something else.
Me: Like what?
Him: I don’t know, but I’m afraid to answer you.
Me: C’mon, be honest – just answer and I’ll REDACTED
Him: Twice? Okay. But you gotta give me a hint because I can’t just start guessing.
Me: Fine. Do you notice a change in my body since I stopped with the gluten and dairy and everything else?
Him: No way am I answering that. I don’t care if you REDACTED twenty times. There’s no right answer to that question.
Me: What are you talking about? Either I look different or I don’t!
Him: If I say you look different, you’re gonna ask how I thought you looked before. If I say you don’t look different, you’re just gonna be pissed.
Me: I only want an unbiased opinion!
Him: Then ask someone who doesn’t live with you!
Him: (Deep breath) You look great. Not that you didn’t look great before, but you’re looking extra great.
Me: See? That wasn’t so bad.
Him: Is it over?

You’d think he’d learn his lesson, but no: yesterday he casually asked how much weight I’d lost. When I told him the double-digit number, he said:

“I thought so. Your shoulders are looking really lean.”

Yep, that’s totally what I was going for: skinny shoulders.

* FYI: Raging eczema on hands? GONE. Chronic strep throat infections? NONE. Grosstastic ear drama that has plagued me since last October? WANING.
** i.e. Still doughy, but more up and down than up and over.

The Serb is threatening to pull a Sharon Stone on me the next time I interrogate him.

30 Comments leave one →
  1. April 18, 2011 7:31 am

    Wow – “great before, exceptionally great now.” I need to use that.

    It’s really, really great to know that somebody’s diet changes are working. I made the decision to stop eating meat not for any specific reasons like you had, but I was generally feeling icky & lethargic. The best way I could explain it was that I woke up every morning feeling just slightly hungover, whether I was drinking or not. Now, I still wake up most mornings feeling that way, but I can blame the wine, or the beer.

    I’m really, really eager to try gluten-free . . . I don’t think I’m that far away now (but even if I don’t eat meat, I’m not near conscious enough of what I’m putting in my body – there was a time when I was a label reader).

    Shoulders – I’ve been told, a time or two, that shoulders are one of the major “notice points,” but it’s odd to hear a man actually make that observation 😉

    • April 18, 2011 8:51 am

      My fella is not your average husband 😀
      Good luck with the gluten-free thing. I recommend a naturopath or similar for guidance/support. I couldn’t do this without Dr. Lori 🙂

  2. ryoko861 permalink
    April 18, 2011 8:14 am

    Well kudos to you! Keep it up, I expect to see your bod on the next cover of VOGUE in some cute bikini!!

    • April 18, 2011 3:03 pm

      Thanks, toots. Remember, it’s all relative – I’ll NEVER be in a bikini, but for me, I’m doing ok… 😀

  3. April 18, 2011 11:20 am

    Well, my arms and shoulders were the last thing on me to get fat, so it is a good sign when those are noticeably thinner because the rest is soon to come.

    You did have nice shoulders in your mexican photo. I don’t know if I am prepared to go to those lengths for nice shoulders though. If it got rid of other ailments too, then I might consider it.

    • April 18, 2011 3:04 pm

      Ha – thanks – too bad it’s snowing here and I can’t show them off 😉

      I have to say, I’m feeling fantastic and during flu season in 2010/11, I had 7 separate cases of strep throat, but this past season I didn’t even catch a cold!

  4. April 18, 2011 11:32 am

    Your husband — LOL.

    Funny when I try to tell some people they might want to consider talking to someone about nutritional changes for health problems. Most just roll their eyes. I LOVE reading success stories!

    • April 18, 2011 3:05 pm

      I told my naturopath how awake and almost high I’ve felt and she reassured me that I’m just feeling the way I’m supposed to feel every day….

  5. April 18, 2011 2:50 pm

    I loved his side of the conversation. The difference between him and most guys is we say those things on the inside, but rarely on the outside. Kudos for his balls.

    And I’m a fairly observant chap, but understand this. He sees you every day. Subtle, over-time differences are hard to notice when you see the person every day. And yes, it may look different when you’re wearing jeans, and the muffin-top is more visible. But if you’re buck-nekkid, a difference of 10lbs, 2 inches, etc is extremely hard to notice.

    Grats on the progress. Keep up the awesome. 😀

    • April 18, 2011 3:05 pm

      Hee- we’ve been married long enough to cut to the chase 😉

      Thanks so much for the virtual cheer!

  6. Deborah the Closet Monster permalink
    April 18, 2011 3:23 pm

    I’m so glad for the RT that led me to this entry! Thanks for the giggles, Ms. Tiny-shoulders. 😉

    • April 22, 2011 2:30 pm

      I’m now insisting that my family refer to me as “Ms. Tiny Shoulders”

  7. April 18, 2011 5:07 pm

    Your blog is delicious and it certainly doesn’t make you look fat…..I am not sure about me….

    P.S Love your writing style.

    • April 22, 2011 2:31 pm

      Thank you for commenting, Lois! I’m a fan of your writing, too…

  8. April 18, 2011 9:41 pm

    I was going to say something funny like REDACTED, but then I saw your comment about feeling awake and high and the fact that this is how you’re supposed to feel…and now all I can think is this:

    Ummm….I’m half-asleep and low. A lot. Even though I get enough sleep.

    Perhaps I need to look into improving my food intake. Sounds like a lot of work.

    But awake and high would be good.

    • April 22, 2011 2:31 pm

      High and awake is good…but so is cheesecake, so it’s a struggle…

      Email me your REDACTED anytime 😀

  9. April 18, 2011 10:23 pm

    Lori…….so glad we found each other.

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Please come often.

    I am sorry, but I do not have a set up to send it out via email at this time…..I will look into it though.

  10. April 18, 2011 11:27 pm

    I laughed so hard at this, I had to have my husband read it. We’ve had several of these conversations during and after pregnancy. Always, he talks as though a minefield surrounds him.

    His comment? “Her husband is a smart man.”

    Loved this, and glad you’re feeling better.

  11. April 19, 2011 10:28 am

    Next time you ask, have an ice pick in your hand…it will expedite the process! 🙂 Congrats on your weight loss and health!

  12. April 19, 2011 10:56 am

    I want the directions to this “diet”!!!
    Yea, I love it when I’ve been religiously hitting the gym for a month and I ask my hubs if he’s noticed anything different, he says: “not really, you look fine.” Fine?????? That’s when I whack over the head with a pan and stuff his body in the trunk of our car!

    • April 22, 2011 2:37 pm

      “Fine” is like asking for an anvil to the forehead. Diet is easy: no dairy; gluten; vinegars; processed foods; sugar. Pretending a rice cake with almond butter is really a piece of cheesecake? Is very, very difficult.

  13. April 19, 2011 1:38 pm

    Poor Serb. He was dead in the water. But he managed to buy some time.

    Seriously – your ear issues are gone? And the eczema? Hmmmm . . . but giving up dairy is so hard. Crap.

    PS congrats on the cheese stick-yness. And the lean shoulders.

    • April 22, 2011 2:39 pm

      Obviously I’m strutting around town with my shoulders on display, despite the snowy forecast…

      (Giving up dairy is brutal because I love ice cream…but feta is ok and not having elephant man hands is very ok)

  14. TheIdiotSpeaketh permalink
    April 19, 2011 9:13 pm

    LMAO! Me pulling a Sharon Stone on the wife would be the quickest route to a divorce in history! 🙂

  15. April 19, 2011 9:44 pm

    You are funny. And those are some sexy shoulders.

    So, what have you cut out?

    (Am doing my own sexy shoulder roll in your honour.)

    • April 22, 2011 2:40 pm

      I have cut out dairy, gluten (wheat), sugar, most fruits and, obviously, happiness…

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